


I Can't Be Seen by Anyone Else

by iceplums (halfbloodranger)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Jotunn | Frost Giant, Other, Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Spoilers, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfbloodranger/pseuds/iceplums
Summary: Odin is the one to give Loki his Asgardian form, and the spell goes undetected for much of his life. Thus, what might happen when he is gone?Thor sees Loki's Jotunn form, and it's painful for both of them.





	I Can't Be Seen by Anyone Else

“A frost giant, how exciting. I thought they were all extinct.”  
“They are.”  
“Really? Then what do you call yourself?” Loki was silent. The Grandmaster smirked and lifted his finger from his bare chest. “I don’t care, actually. Put your disguise back on, though, I do much prefer you that way.” Loki’s skin melted back to white.

\--

The glass stopper in his hand was cold and smooth. Loki watched as Thor’s eyes widened in realization, and then he was right there, hugging him, and he was warm and real and Loki couldn’t really breathe Thor was hugging him so hard but it was alright, because he was alive. Loki pulled away before he wanted to, muttering something about Thor being a sap. Thor was glowing, like usual, so bright Loki could hardly look at him. 

“How did you survive?” Loki simply shook his head, not wanting to discuss it, and against his own wishes, yawned. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, you must be as exhausted as I am – here, we’ll find you a room.”   
A room. That would require leaving this one, the one he had spent so much energy teleporting into because it would be safe, the only safe place in the entire universe. “No, I can’t.” The words were out of Loki’s mouth before they registered in his head, and Thor looked at him like a kicked puppy. “Why not?”

“I can’t be seen by anyone else, not yet. They think I’m dead and a traitor, remember?”  
“That’s not true, you’re a hero!”  
“Thor.” To hear Thor call him that hurt him down to the core, a simple compliment Thor spoke as truth when Loki knew it was a lie. He hadn’t saved the Asgardians because they were his people. He saved them because it was what Thor wanted. So he shook his head again, and a well worn argument passed briefly between his and Thor’s eyes. Then, Thor smiled and turned.   
“That’s alright, then. There’s plenty of room in my chambers.” Loki sighed in relief, and pulled off his cape, laying it on the floor. “What are you doing?”  
“Going to sleep? I’m quite tired, teleporting that far really does take a toll on me, if you must know.”   
“Yes, but on the floor? This bed is quite large enough for the both of us. It’s not like it’s something we haven’t done before.” Loki simply stared at him. Sure, they had shared a bed before, but that was before Jotunheim, before Midgard, before… everything. “It’ll be just like old times, come on!” Thor patted the bed beside him as he crawled under the covers. Old times. Frida and Odin, dead, Asgard, gone, and Thor thought it could be just like old times. Loki scoffed, but Thor’s stare from the bed was sharp and unforgiving so Loki stood up and lay himself gingerly on the edge of the bed, and tried to sleep.

Loki awoke with a start, his heart rattling wildly in his chest as he stared around, trying to figure out what woke him. A wave of cold shattered over him just as they passed close by a star, and Loki looked down to see his hands turning blue.   
He scrambled out of bed, tripping on his cape and falling down.  
“Loki? Are you okay?” No, no, no! Thor was awake. “I’m fine, just… dropped something.” Loki squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stabilize his Asgardian form. “Can you find it? I can turn the light on, if you want.”  
“No!” Loki winced at the volume of his voice and swallowed. “No, it’s fine, I found it, thank you.”  
“Oh, well then why don’t you lie back down?”  
“Ah, I need to… use the restroom, actually. I’ll be right back, you go back to sleep. Sorry to wake you.” Loki stood, and prayed the room was dark enough to hide what was surely a shoddy transformation. Usually he could maintain his Asgardian form no matter the circumstances, even unconscious. I’m tired, but I should still be able to hold this form. Right?”

Loki didn’t even make it to the door before another wave of cold crashed onto him, and he stumbled into the wall. This time, the cold came fast and rhythmic, and Loki had the sense that something was being stripped from him. He fell to his knees with a heavy thud, and curled himself into a ball to try and preserve heat. 

Thor heard Loki’s gasp of pain, then a soft thud. You bastard, he thought as he leapt from bed and turned on the lights. In the corner was Loki, wrapped in his cape and shivering, looking immensely small. Thor crossed the room and reached out to touch Loki, to offer comfort and assistance to his brother. But when he lay his hand on Loki’s cape, it was so cold it burned, and he pulled his hand back with a flinch that Loki’s shoulders mirrored.  
“You’re freezing! Here, we need to get you to the med bay.”  
“No!”  
Loki whirled around, scrabbling against the wall to keep Thor from forcibly taking him to the medics. As he did, he realized how thoroughly idiotic that was. Now Thor would see him, Jotunn form and all, and it was all lost. There was nowhere safe left. Loki kept his eyes closed.

“Loki?” Thor’s voice was soft, not accusatory, but afraid. Loki squeezed his eyes shut tighter, shaking. “Don’t. Just don’t. I’ll leave, as soon as I can walk.”  
“Loki, no-” Loki shoved himself to his feet, bracing his weight on the wall. “I don’t want your philanthropy, Thor. I know how you feel about this. About frost giants.” Loki spat out the words, his face snarling. His red eyes searched Thor’s face for that customary hatred, that bigotry. But even the fear was gone. There was just confusion, and behind it, sadness.  
“I don’t understand. Jotunheim, you-”   
“All I wanted was to prove myself as your equal. I didn’t know until that battle. Father took me as a baby, concealed me as your brother.” Loki looked down at his hands, finally settling to a deep blue and sighed. The waves of cold had curled into something hard and not uncomfortable in the small of his chest.   
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Thor’s voice was quiet, and for some reason, laced with hurt. Loki scoffed.  
“Tell you?” Loki shoved himself into an image of a much younger Thor. “‘When I’m king, I’ll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!’ How could I tell you I was one of the monsters?” As he spoke, snarling out words that had lived in his throat, burning, nearly his whole life, Loki watched Thor’s face crumble. 

“I had no idea. I never…” Thor reached out for Loki, who leapt back, suddenly crackling with anger. “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” Loki shook with rage, clenching his fists and staring Thor down.   
But Thor was no longer looking at him. Loki followed his gaze to the ground, where, encircling their feet, was a ring of ice, growing slowly. “No, no-” Loki’s voice broke, and he pressed himself back against the wall, only to feel ice grow there as well. “No, not this, not now,” he whispered, staring in horror as the ice spread towards Thor’s feet. Loki couldn’t control it, couldn’t control any of it, and his powers were slipping out towards the only thing Loki could think about. Thor.

Loki watched, helpless, as the ice reached Thor, sure to burn him, hurt him in the one way Loki had always refused to. But Thor’s bare feet suddenly began to spark, tiny bolts of lightning across the bridge of his feet and the ice, too close, far too close, began to melt. Loki and Thor sighed in unison. 

“Your eyes are red.”  
“Yes.” The ice was receding.   
“I like them.”  
“What?”  
“I said I like them. They look cool.”  
“Cool,” Loki whispered, turning the word over in his mouth. He felt inexplicable laughter bubbling up in his chest, melting the hard ice there just a bit.   
“Can I- Can I touch you now?” Thor fidgeted with his hands, looking uncharacteristically shy.   
“I’ll burn you.”  
“I don’t think so.” Loki’s hands were shaking, but he nodded, ever so slightly.

Thor’s thumb traced the raised marks on Loki’s skin gently, ghostlike. Loki shivered, and tried to keep from leaning into the touch. No one had ever been this close to him in his Jotunn form. He felt tears spill over.   
Thor’s face was reverent, and somehow, curious. But his eyes were wet as well, and when he saw Loki begin to cry, he gathered Loki against him in a hug.  
This time, it was gentle, but Loki’s breath still came with difficulty. He felt Thor’s hand against his back, warm and solid. 

“I can’t change back, you know.”  
“Why?” Thor’s question, mercifully, was absent of judgement. Loki took a shaky breath.  
“When Father took me, he placed a spell on me. It gave me an Asgardian form and concealed my true self from everyone, including me. When he died, it must have begun to fail.”  
Thor simply held Loki closer. “In time, I will probably be able to reconstruct the spell. Then I can look like your brother again.”  
“What?” Thor held Loki out at arms length. “Loki, you are my brother. This doesn’t change that. And besides,” he continued, looking Loki up and down and then pulling him back into a hug with a smile, “I prefer you this way.”

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't really Thorki, but if you want to read it that way, be my guest. I just have a lot of feelings about Jotunn Loki, mostly thanks to @forcemates on twitter. Also, I know I kind of fudged canon in a couple places. Don't worry about it. Canon is personal and meaningless. 
> 
> Come say hello on twitter! (@iceplums)


End file.
